omg the gaslighting, full speed ahead. you are the problem? you ruin everything? while me says you want to have sex with this man, I mean did he have to say anything then, let alone lie? ugh.
"That's what gaslighting does. It doesn't just rewrite the story. It makes you lose faith in your ability to read one." That line is staggering. The specific horror of apologizing to Caleb after all that — not out of forgiveness but because he eroded your certainty until you couldn't trust your own account. This chapter hurt to read, and I mean that as the highest possible compliment. You're writing what so many women have lived but never found words for. I cover these silences at Voices of Strength — really grateful for your work.
Thank you for this, it was a difficult thing to put into words, and there’s a feeling of relief in what’s read as intended.. I’ve been grateful for your writing too; finding it felt like stumbling on gold 🥰 It’s very steadying reading your articles.. . So thank you, in turn, for offering it to us xx
Eva, oh my God. I hadn't realised I'd missed a couple of chapters, and they never fail to disappoint - I honestly feel like I devour your writing like a book. I HATE Caleb; am I allowed to say that? I'm sorry if it comes across as harsh or callous, as I appreciate your feelings towards him must be complex, but I hate him. And I feel for you so much. I can feel your judgement of yourself and I just want to say - none of this is a reflection on you. None of it. You took the cards you were dealt, and you tried to play. There is no shame in that. Thank you as ever for sharing <3
That’s really so kind of you to say and I really appreciate you taking the time to write it xx I didn’t hate him then or now tbh - I see him as being very unwell - but from writing it I have this new perspective of him.. like god this was really worse then I thought. Crazy how we get so caught up and blindsided we can’t see when we are in it how unhealthy it is.
Wow, you never disappoint and again this was a brilliant read!!! But also so utterly heart breaking because you can so clearly see how much you didn't want this, how uncomfortable it all made you but you still came away and made the decision to try again. I hate that you were always made to feel like the problem...like he couldn't see or acknowledge how it all made you feel. He seems extremely selfish and self absorbed, it's frustrating to read so god knows how it felt to live with!!!
As always i eagerly await the next instalment, thank you for continuing to share such an intimate part of your story with us 🫶
Ahh you are the best x thank you for reading my little saga and your beautiful words. Each chapter I write it and put it down and press send I’m like -holy heck, he really wasn’t looking out for me and I so thought he was - it still surprises me how i got so lost in it and couldn’t see.
That’s just it though isn’t it - whilst your in it you have no idea how bad it actually is!!! Bless you though i hope that writing it all out like this is at least healing some of these parts of you that you didn’t know needed it!!! It is brilliant though and you write it so bloody well!! x
How cool is that… so you can you see your mum through a whole new lens now. That’s real healing. That’s awesome xx do you follow @melindavelasque - you would resonate with her writing. I’ve found it triggering sometimes too… it does take courage to face some things xx you’re awesome
Yes exactly and that was the purpose of this page, i wanted to write each layer i am carrying and try to heal from the pain so i believe it has definitely done its purpose so far! An thank you thats so lovely of you 🫶 no i do not follow her but i will be sure to have a look now! Thank you for the recommendation x
Aw, thank you for the shout out @Eva Solen 💜 I feel the same about your writing. Part of what I love about your writing and a few others in this community is that regardless of how different our stories are, there are still so many common threads. Like this, “A fracture so deep and so clean that I wouldn’t find it for years. It would sit inside me like a hairline crack in a load-bearing wall, invisible until the day the whole structure shifted and I’d wonder why it came down so easily, and the answer would be: it broke here.” This brought me right back to not only previous intimate relationships, but friendships and even things that happened with my family. It is mind boggling how when we’re in it we can’t see it—only when we reflect on it are we able to see it so clearly. Another great read. You never disappoint! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 P. S. I’ve been trying to refrain from Caleb bashing, but with this chapter—I’m not a violent person—but I wanted to reach back in time and punch 🥊 him in the throat multiple times! 🤷🏼♀️🤬😆
The throat punch instinct is VALID haha - no - I love your comment - you are just delightful x so good hearing that feedback.. I was proud of that little line it was a tricky one to write xxx
Absolutely, i have had to take a little break from writing about my childhood though…i didn’t realise how much it would trigger me. But i do see things differently when it comes to my mum now as i used to be so angry with her but writing it out has helped me see and realise she was so unwell and no one helped her and that’s just sad!! x
Can I just say when the book is closer to publishing - Barbs and Barry just doesn't feel the right names to me - maybe just me - but I can't take Barbs and Barry seriously - xx
I was sure you knew my name - I thought I told you -
It’s actually very fitting to your book - and would probably be a little too naff (for won’t have a better word - that’s not the right word - like ah - she didn’t think too much about that name)
Well it was all those dodgy swinger names - lots of folk go by a fake name.. I should include that.. i did and I totally forgot about that till just then!
I don't know why -but this one took me a few takes - over a few days.
This was the most depressing one. Not the writing - that was brilliant. I just felt so sad for you
First though Barbs and Barry - they sound like a bad comedy act. This is the first time I could drop the C bomb - but it still doesn't feel appropriate to criticise him - like it's not my place to judge - the writing and story does that on its own.
omg the gaslighting, full speed ahead. you are the problem? you ruin everything? while me says you want to have sex with this man, I mean did he have to say anything then, let alone lie? ugh.
I know right 🤦🏼♀️
"That's what gaslighting does. It doesn't just rewrite the story. It makes you lose faith in your ability to read one." That line is staggering. The specific horror of apologizing to Caleb after all that — not out of forgiveness but because he eroded your certainty until you couldn't trust your own account. This chapter hurt to read, and I mean that as the highest possible compliment. You're writing what so many women have lived but never found words for. I cover these silences at Voices of Strength — really grateful for your work.
Thank you for this, it was a difficult thing to put into words, and there’s a feeling of relief in what’s read as intended.. I’ve been grateful for your writing too; finding it felt like stumbling on gold 🥰 It’s very steadying reading your articles.. . So thank you, in turn, for offering it to us xx
Agreed
Eva, oh my God. I hadn't realised I'd missed a couple of chapters, and they never fail to disappoint - I honestly feel like I devour your writing like a book. I HATE Caleb; am I allowed to say that? I'm sorry if it comes across as harsh or callous, as I appreciate your feelings towards him must be complex, but I hate him. And I feel for you so much. I can feel your judgement of yourself and I just want to say - none of this is a reflection on you. None of it. You took the cards you were dealt, and you tried to play. There is no shame in that. Thank you as ever for sharing <3
That’s really so kind of you to say and I really appreciate you taking the time to write it xx I didn’t hate him then or now tbh - I see him as being very unwell - but from writing it I have this new perspective of him.. like god this was really worse then I thought. Crazy how we get so caught up and blindsided we can’t see when we are in it how unhealthy it is.
Wow, you never disappoint and again this was a brilliant read!!! But also so utterly heart breaking because you can so clearly see how much you didn't want this, how uncomfortable it all made you but you still came away and made the decision to try again. I hate that you were always made to feel like the problem...like he couldn't see or acknowledge how it all made you feel. He seems extremely selfish and self absorbed, it's frustrating to read so god knows how it felt to live with!!!
As always i eagerly await the next instalment, thank you for continuing to share such an intimate part of your story with us 🫶
Ahh you are the best x thank you for reading my little saga and your beautiful words. Each chapter I write it and put it down and press send I’m like -holy heck, he really wasn’t looking out for me and I so thought he was - it still surprises me how i got so lost in it and couldn’t see.
That’s just it though isn’t it - whilst your in it you have no idea how bad it actually is!!! Bless you though i hope that writing it all out like this is at least healing some of these parts of you that you didn’t know needed it!!! It is brilliant though and you write it so bloody well!! x
How cool is that… so you can you see your mum through a whole new lens now. That’s real healing. That’s awesome xx do you follow @melindavelasque - you would resonate with her writing. I’ve found it triggering sometimes too… it does take courage to face some things xx you’re awesome
Yes exactly and that was the purpose of this page, i wanted to write each layer i am carrying and try to heal from the pain so i believe it has definitely done its purpose so far! An thank you thats so lovely of you 🫶 no i do not follow her but i will be sure to have a look now! Thank you for the recommendation x
Aw, thank you for the shout out @Eva Solen 💜 I feel the same about your writing. Part of what I love about your writing and a few others in this community is that regardless of how different our stories are, there are still so many common threads. Like this, “A fracture so deep and so clean that I wouldn’t find it for years. It would sit inside me like a hairline crack in a load-bearing wall, invisible until the day the whole structure shifted and I’d wonder why it came down so easily, and the answer would be: it broke here.” This brought me right back to not only previous intimate relationships, but friendships and even things that happened with my family. It is mind boggling how when we’re in it we can’t see it—only when we reflect on it are we able to see it so clearly. Another great read. You never disappoint! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 P. S. I’ve been trying to refrain from Caleb bashing, but with this chapter—I’m not a violent person—but I wanted to reach back in time and punch 🥊 him in the throat multiple times! 🤷🏼♀️🤬😆
The throat punch instinct is VALID haha - no - I love your comment - you are just delightful x so good hearing that feedback.. I was proud of that little line it was a tricky one to write xxx
It was so powerful though!
Yeah it’s really cool - writing it has been the best thing - I can see it all so much clearer. Do you feel the same ?
Absolutely, i have had to take a little break from writing about my childhood though…i didn’t realise how much it would trigger me. But i do see things differently when it comes to my mum now as i used to be so angry with her but writing it out has helped me see and realise she was so unwell and no one helped her and that’s just sad!! x
It is the How of Why it is All men. They say they're the protectors, it's women who are.
Can I just say when the book is closer to publishing - Barbs and Barry just doesn't feel the right names to me - maybe just me - but I can't take Barbs and Barry seriously - xx
Dean!
🤣🤣🤣You got it
Becoming unseen with Dean
🤪
I don’t? Are you messing with me
I was sure you knew my name - I thought I told you -
It’s actually very fitting to your book - and would probably be a little too naff (for won’t have a better word - that’s not the right word - like ah - she didn’t think too much about that name)
So you can try work out from that -
Well it was all those dodgy swinger names - lots of folk go by a fake name.. I should include that.. i did and I totally forgot about that till just then!
You could use my real name… lol — do you know what that is? you do right?
Hmmm fair call.. they were a caravaning couple. Real names were Lou and Linda .. you’ll have to give me some suggestions
To be fair Lou and Linda’s not great either and that’s real - I think its the first letter being the same which -
Barb and Barry said like they might be in the late 70’s sort of vibe
I don't know why -but this one took me a few takes - over a few days.
This was the most depressing one. Not the writing - that was brilliant. I just felt so sad for you
First though Barbs and Barry - they sound like a bad comedy act. This is the first time I could drop the C bomb - but it still doesn't feel appropriate to criticise him - like it's not my place to judge - the writing and story does that on its own.
Brilliant writing as usual.
I have been saving this chapter for my day off. As usual. It does not disappoint. You're writing is truly enthralling. You have such skill.
I don't think that's what the therapist meant, as far as being all in or shut the door, and the story is still unfolding.
Side note and obviously not the point of the story at all but that a man would expect a BJ and not be groomed 🤢
Haha oh it was far too much information!!! Yes and you are absolutely correct with re to therapist x Thank you for your beautiful comment xx
No all the details are what make it so amazing! The internal monologue and the details bring it to life. ❤️
Oh my god camouflaged penises - I need to have a few doubles before this one
🤭well only one camouflaged penis- so maybe just one double x
I can’t even work out what that is 😂