Ugh. My heart. Your note to the reader preparing us to endure the pain, betrayal, and heartbreak you experienced firsthand. It shows what a thoughtful person you are, which is also obvious throughout your writing. This says so much, “I told myself it was self-care. I was not maintaining a body, I was building a weapon, and the war was for my own husband.” 💔 I’m here for the long haul, regardless of where this goes. I’m always struck by the fact that the situation may be different, but the gaslighting and manipulation hits the same. Close to home. Knowing at a different time in my life, I would’ve responded similarly to what others (and hindsight) so clearly could see was not okay. That’s how they get us. That’s how they lock us in. We’re too wrapped up in the middle of it fighting for what was once good to see how truly bad it’s become and know that it’s not our fault. My heart breaks even more for you because it wasn’t always like that with him. No reason you should’ve seen this coming. He was one way, it was so good, and then everything changed. ❤️🩹
Eva, this chapter was by far the saddest yet. It literally broke my heart for you...this was awful to read but was beautifully written! I am so sorry that you literally made yourself so ill over this and that you were crying for help and asking for someone to simply stop all of this and save you but no one did. I felt this chapter deeply and i am so so sorry you went threw this!
As always i wait for the next chapter and for it to get better for you. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable, honest truth with us 🙏🩷🌸
Make sure they are the good Samaritans ! And not the good Samaritans that are the bad ones! Please also don’t feel you need to keep reading - It gets pretty full on.. and I’m we writing it to maybe show how slippery these things become and affects our clarity on our own values. How we are can become susceptible to things we never imagined x
Right seriously - you can’t write that - I’ve cried a few times before (by cried I mean like chopped through 15 bricks with me head) and this one is “by far” the saddest - I might as well call the samaritans and ask if someone will read it to me 🙃🙃 - right im on it - it may be a day or more but I will be back 🫡🫡
I finally listened so I won’t be behind for today’s. Ah man, I just didn’t like it. The way you described yourself or no longer having any self respect or identity. And Caleb calling you selfish. I’m going to ignore the sex part. The more I hear about Caleb the more he makes no sense - 2k on a suit - but his constant fails or flops yet a few days later he wants to do it again - that makes no sense - but fuck him anyway - I just feel shit that this happened to you xx
ahh yeah well you might need need to sit the next few out:) i appreciate you reading so much but it might be to full on for you. There are so many women and most likely men who are coerced by partners and it doesn’t look like what everyone thinks it looks like. I’m hoping someone reading it will see themselves in the story and be able to see it for what it is more clearly.
I’m sure it’ll be helping people and another reason for it to be published.
I’m not sitting it out now. Last time I got to chapter 17 of anything it was the manifesto of a religious cult I’d joined. 🤣. I’ll just make sure Millie is with me when I’m listening.
No of course I didn’t. I say that as if given everything I’ve told you it that this would be ridiculous 🤣🙃 - no I was joking because chapter 17 is rare territory 😂
Hope you were going away for good reasons and all is well x
As soon as I saw the name — which, by the way, immediately made me think of cheese — I was like, oh no.
But honestly, my heart keeps breaking for you with every chapter as he continues to be so cruel. I completely understand your motivation, and gaslighting is so real. You had 20 years with this person. Of course he made you question yourself and believe you were the problem. And being surrounded by people who shared his point of view definitely didn’t help.
I’m so glad you’re getting closer to the breaking point, even though I know how painful that must have been to reach. Thank you for sharing all of this so honestly. Sending you so much love. ❤️
Haha I know I’m not a fan of Brie cheese anymore! Thanks again for your understanding and thoughtful message xx it’s so appreciated and fills me up with gooey loveliness that there are kind beautiful people like you in the world x
Eva, the word “owe” carries so much of this chapter’s devastation, since it turns your fear, politeness, and desire to keep the room intact into the currency of someone else’s appetite. The corridor scene, where you ask to leave and are told to go back in and announce that you are ruining the night, shows how shame can become a lock when someone already knows the door you cannot walk through. By the time your boundary is recited to strangers as your hang-up and the “one thing” you thought remained yours disappears, the chapter has named the brutal confusion of saying yes with the body while the self is screaming no. Grateful for the moral courage and precision in telling this without smoothing the damage or sparing the reader from the cost.
Ugh. My heart. Your note to the reader preparing us to endure the pain, betrayal, and heartbreak you experienced firsthand. It shows what a thoughtful person you are, which is also obvious throughout your writing. This says so much, “I told myself it was self-care. I was not maintaining a body, I was building a weapon, and the war was for my own husband.” 💔 I’m here for the long haul, regardless of where this goes. I’m always struck by the fact that the situation may be different, but the gaslighting and manipulation hits the same. Close to home. Knowing at a different time in my life, I would’ve responded similarly to what others (and hindsight) so clearly could see was not okay. That’s how they get us. That’s how they lock us in. We’re too wrapped up in the middle of it fighting for what was once good to see how truly bad it’s become and know that it’s not our fault. My heart breaks even more for you because it wasn’t always like that with him. No reason you should’ve seen this coming. He was one way, it was so good, and then everything changed. ❤️🩹
Awww - this made me choke up and laugh in the same breath, which feels about right for this chapter! Thank you for seeing it, Melinda. Truly. 💕💕
Eva, this chapter was by far the saddest yet. It literally broke my heart for you...this was awful to read but was beautifully written! I am so sorry that you literally made yourself so ill over this and that you were crying for help and asking for someone to simply stop all of this and save you but no one did. I felt this chapter deeply and i am so so sorry you went threw this!
As always i wait for the next chapter and for it to get better for you. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable, honest truth with us 🙏🩷🌸
Make sure they are the good Samaritans ! And not the good Samaritans that are the bad ones! Please also don’t feel you need to keep reading - It gets pretty full on.. and I’m we writing it to maybe show how slippery these things become and affects our clarity on our own values. How we are can become susceptible to things we never imagined x
Thanks for taking the time to write that and share.. it’s so appreciated. I love getting your messages xx
Right seriously - you can’t write that - I’ve cried a few times before (by cried I mean like chopped through 15 bricks with me head) and this one is “by far” the saddest - I might as well call the samaritans and ask if someone will read it to me 🙃🙃 - right im on it - it may be a day or more but I will be back 🫡🫡
And before I even read it I’m so sorry Eva - xx
I finally listened so I won’t be behind for today’s. Ah man, I just didn’t like it. The way you described yourself or no longer having any self respect or identity. And Caleb calling you selfish. I’m going to ignore the sex part. The more I hear about Caleb the more he makes no sense - 2k on a suit - but his constant fails or flops yet a few days later he wants to do it again - that makes no sense - but fuck him anyway - I just feel shit that this happened to you xx
Well you are left of field! Could be a nice religious cult 😇 nothing suprised me lol. Yes make sure Millie is with you.
ahh yeah well you might need need to sit the next few out:) i appreciate you reading so much but it might be to full on for you. There are so many women and most likely men who are coerced by partners and it doesn’t look like what everyone thinks it looks like. I’m hoping someone reading it will see themselves in the story and be able to see it for what it is more clearly.
I’m sure it’ll be helping people and another reason for it to be published.
I’m not sitting it out now. Last time I got to chapter 17 of anything it was the manifesto of a religious cult I’d joined. 🤣. I’ll just make sure Millie is with me when I’m listening.
Did I miss the new chapter? Mondays one?
Haha 😊 you joined a religious cult? 🤔
I’ll put out new chapter tomorrow.. I’ve had to go away for a few days .
No of course I didn’t. I say that as if given everything I’ve told you it that this would be ridiculous 🤣🙃 - no I was joking because chapter 17 is rare territory 😂
Hope you were going away for good reasons and all is well x
I’ve still not quite found the balls for it but it’s on the list 🫠
As soon as I saw the name — which, by the way, immediately made me think of cheese — I was like, oh no.
But honestly, my heart keeps breaking for you with every chapter as he continues to be so cruel. I completely understand your motivation, and gaslighting is so real. You had 20 years with this person. Of course he made you question yourself and believe you were the problem. And being surrounded by people who shared his point of view definitely didn’t help.
I’m so glad you’re getting closer to the breaking point, even though I know how painful that must have been to reach. Thank you for sharing all of this so honestly. Sending you so much love. ❤️
Haha I know I’m not a fan of Brie cheese anymore! Thanks again for your understanding and thoughtful message xx it’s so appreciated and fills me up with gooey loveliness that there are kind beautiful people like you in the world x
Another amazing chapter. The way you have written this brings an understanding of why you didn't leave.
💕🙏 oh that’s great to hear x such a tricky thing to explain
Eva, the word “owe” carries so much of this chapter’s devastation, since it turns your fear, politeness, and desire to keep the room intact into the currency of someone else’s appetite. The corridor scene, where you ask to leave and are told to go back in and announce that you are ruining the night, shows how shame can become a lock when someone already knows the door you cannot walk through. By the time your boundary is recited to strangers as your hang-up and the “one thing” you thought remained yours disappears, the chapter has named the brutal confusion of saying yes with the body while the self is screaming no. Grateful for the moral courage and precision in telling this without smoothing the damage or sparing the reader from the cost.