14 Comments
User's avatar
Human Doing Being's avatar

It hurts to read these.

I cannot.

Eva Solen's avatar

Totally fair enough x

HealinLayers's avatar

Well i feel absolutely awful for this version of you! I feel like i want to reach into the story and just give you the biggest hug and tell you how much you matter and how much your feelings are valid and how much you need to run and never look back!!! Eva this was heart breaking to read, i felt every word and i could sense all of your pain and confusion! Thank you as always for sharing such an intimate part of your story! And i am so sorry that no one saw how much you were hurting during all of this, sending you all the love hunny 🙏🩷

Eva Solen's avatar

Thank you so much as always x you’re the best

The Journal of Rooted Growth's avatar

The vulnerability of sharing your inner thoughts including thoughts about your body makes the writing so human. That he called it experiences and the need for fairness. Did he truly believe you were fine? I found it interesting that you said "We could have been friends..." People are layered. Her loneliness and your ability to still find kindness for her. Even seeing a version of yourself in her.

The absolute selfishness of planning a sexual Meetup the night before an important speaking engagement for you. Oh I'm imagining what happens with the unicorn following you home.

Eva Solen's avatar

Ahh I appreciate your thoughtful words so much x thank you ☺️

Notes from the Hill's avatar

This had to be so difficult to write. I still can’t get past how selfish he was, the manipulation, the guilt he put on you, and then your kind heart still worrying that she might feel “left out.” Having to stay there afterward somehow feels even worse, especially with her not leaving. You can almost feel you starting to lose pieces of yourself at this point, or maybe I only see it that way because I know where this is going. Either way, it’s heartbreaking to read. Virtual hug....and tears for past Eva 💔💔💔

Eva Solen's avatar

Awww … thank you lovely - yeah it was difficult to write this one it took me a few goes as I had blanked out this particular night… so to delve back at the details…I had not thought about for so long made me feel icky, but also it was good to get it out of my system and see it for what it was.

Melissa Sandfort's avatar

Going through the motions while our life is so deeply misaligned with our truth.

This is very beautifully articulated here.

Eva Solen's avatar

🌸🙏🏼

Common Threads's avatar

Aaahh, the biggest cliffhanger so far! Killing me! This line just perfectly captures how some of us find it so much easier and almost automatic to care for others before ourselves. 💔“I was managing her feelings in the middle of my own undoing.”

Eva Solen's avatar

🤗 yeah it’s true isn’t it. Funny old brains.

Common Threads's avatar

Thankfully the previous versions of us, yes!

Eva Solen's avatar

Haha yes! 🤞🏼I’m very careful these days to protect my little boundaries 🤗